Foreign Flu

I am like a superhuman. Wonderwoman. Supergirl. Catwoman...ok, not Catwoman.  I have never, ever, ever got the flu. My immune system is top notch. No fear here, I'd lick the floor to prove it. I once refused a work bonus when employed at the hospital because I would not get the flu shot. Holistic. No flu shot. No flu.

...until now. In Italy. With Italian germs. So here are instructions for any foreigner living in Italy that contracts the flu.

1. Sleep in. Why not. You are tired. In fact, set your alarm for 8, and don't actually get out of bed until 11.

2. When taking the bus, don't breathe. Not even a little.

3. Ask a friend that speaks Italian and English, what medicine to buy.

4. When thus friend, asks the type of sickness, describe it well. "Um, my face is about to explode. I can't feel my eyes. Oh, I usually can't feel my eyes. Well, I am also getting confused."

5. Friend must write down correct medicine.

6. Go to a Farmacia. Marked with a lit up green cross. (Sorry red cross, you are not good enough in Italy.)

7. Say, "Parlo POCO Italiano. Questa e questa." Point to your note.

8. After buying the products return to friends house/work and ask for hot water.

9. "What, no hot water. The boiler looks as if there is lead paint for the 1970's. Ok, I will go to the bar."

10. At the bar as for l'acqua caldo per la medicina. Allow them to laugh when they give you a glass. Avoid eye contact when you pour in the medicine and make funny (this is disgusting) faces as you drink.

Now you are all better.